To honor myself and you all...and the adult victims out there like me, I have made a choice to share my story with you all for two reasons: It happened, and it should not have. I want you all to be able to read my journey through the complaint process and see what it takes to make it through and get your abuser away from you. I hope that you keep in mind that all situations are different and that this is the way my situation turned out. Even today, there is no closure and it is going to be the third year coming up in February. My police complaint is still open...and so is my soul.
I will try to use the emails that I have on hand and post them in a manner that will not get me sued. Even if I make a mistake or get out of control, I am so mentally-ill right now that I doubt it would make a huge impact in my life if I was served papers for upsetting the Bishop or the Church. In all honesty, it might make my "un-conversion" possible and healthier. Oh, not that I hope for that. What I really hope for is what I had before all of this insanity came my way; I would like peace and rest back into my life, and my days without one hundred triggers. I would like to read my bible without crying and maybe, just maybe, pray like I use to. I miss many things.
So, to start my story I will move back and forth always from this email, the last one sent to me, from my abuser. Notice that the hotmail address is there. I really don't know if it is active and I don't care. If it is, I hope you can direct some of your rage and anger towards him because I really no longer care about is cowardness and priestly status. No one else cares so neither will I.
Sorry about triggers and poor editing and typing; I am at bottom right now and need to kee myself safe.
I do feel that releasing this informaton may save someone the hellish nightmare that I walked through, and make it easier for them to walk through the complaint process with their eyes wide open and their heart a bit more guarded than mine.
To all of you that I dealing with your bishops and outreach staffers in diocesan offices all across this nation, read up on the process and understand that THE CHURCH IS NOT THERE FOR YOU, but you are there for you and you will need to advocate for yourself. The church sees you as money problem and nothing more and nothing less than that. You are a resource drain and a business loss. If you want to survice the complaint process, then know what you want and what you are willing do to to get it. It may mean lossing your parish, your friends and your family. It may mean loosing everything. It should not, and God help you if your feel this way, cost you your life. I attempted this who process and made three suicide attempts all with the hope that I could end my suffering and humiliation by death. I now know, that I can end my suffering and humiliation by SHARING THE TRUTH OF MY EXPERIENCE, all with the hope that God will take great pity on me and grant me the grace to hold those accountable, forgive and move on. All only in the order that glorifies God.
Until then, I will share with you my story and hope that you can take courage and do what you must do.
My the Spirit grant us all peace and may the Church come to terms with the lives that it has raped, molested and rejected, and the people of faith that it has destroyed, all under Jesus' Holy Name.
---Kelly Mathews
Marquette, MI
From: "Roy Joseph" royjmkAThotmailDOTcom
To: plannerATupDOTnet
Sent: Sunday, March 19, 2006 12:00 PM
>>> > Hi Kelli,
Greetings.
How you are doing.> >
Why you are very angry with me.> >
I am sorry if have hurted you in any way.> >
God bless you
Roy
